So here we are again, Valentine’s Day – the day we remind each other how madly in love we are with one another.
The problem is, when you are battered and bruised both emotionally and physically from the rocky roller coaster of fertility treatment, it can be hard to find the energy to show love for others, when you can’t even find enough for yourself.
So, we turned to Sonia Jane, a Kinetic Chain Release practitioner who holds regular support groups for men and women in need of some self love, and asked her how we can give ourselves some extra love this valentine’s day.
How familiar does this sound?
“I’m exhausted. I’m tired. I’m low. My body aches, all over in fact. . . physically, mentally, and emotionally. I just want to feel normal. I just want to be taken care of!”
Of course, you do my darling. Absolutely you do and this is why I’m here.
Reminding you how important it is that You must take care of You
It can be very easy to blame our partners for everything. In fact, years ago, I remember saying out loud to my ex “If you just did x, y and z everything would be okay”
I was so emotionally drained. I was tired. I was deeply un-happy. I needed to blame someone else, and my partner bore the brunt.
What I needed to do was desperately re-evaluate my needs and my well-being practises.
So I did, and here I am, ready and willing to share with you and offer you some ways to bring yourself back into your own body, assess your own needs and discover what you need to do to start feeling that love inside you again.
This really is, no one else’s responsibility to keep you well, to maintain your happiness or to make sure you are okay.
This may sound harsh right now, especially when your hormones are probably jumping and bouncing around like a Guy Fawkes night rocket, but if you are wanting to try, just a tiny little bit, to try something new to lift you, then you’re in the right place.
If You are not taking care of You my darling, then who is?
Here are some ideas on how you can bring small changes into your daily routine that will help you Nurture, Nourish and Love yourself going forward, and not just for Valentine’s Day (although Valentine’s day is the perfect starting ground!)
So, what do I mean by this . . . .
For me Nurturing can be anything where I feel safe, comforted, warm, and held. What I mean by ‘Held’ is that cosy, squidgy loving feeling you get once you’ve been embraced by someone’s unconditional love and holding.
This for me, on those days where all I need is a hug and to be feel loved and held is running a bath, wrapping myself up in a chenille blanket, and snuggling down with one of those extra-long super fluffy hot water bottles!
Know that you have the capacity to find this for yourselves – it really is not the ‘job’ or responsibility of anyone else to nurture you or keep you feeling comforted or safe. This is completely on you my love and you really can achieve this feeling yourself.
We have instinctively self-soothed from a very tender age and it works so well
Begin this practise of personal holding, by bringing your hand to your heart centre and breathe in this unconditional loving touch. Feel that you are safe and comforted.
So, to start I would feel into my body – by this I simply mean taking a breath. Allow the breath to come into you, slowly, absorb the breath. With every breath, comes new opportunity.
Welcome this deep into your tummy, welcoming the expansion, the stretch, the invigoration of oxygen. Close your eyes if this helps.
Next up, I want you to focus on your skin. Our skin is our largest organ, and we really need to nourish it and keep it moisturised, fed, cared for and hydrated.
Take the time here when you moisturise to be fully present. Be with your body completely and consciously. We often find ourselves rushing these morning or evening ‘tasks’ yet these are the perfect moments to pause and gently touch yourself, feel the cream or oil as it touches your skin.
Welcome the intimacy of this touch from yourself. Delicately placing your hands on your arms, your legs, your face, your tummy. Bring your body the love and kindness it so desperately deserves. You are an incredible, uplifting, driven, focussed woman. Whilst in this process right now, gift yourself another couple of minutes each day here. It really isn’t going to make you that late, but it will deeply enrich and nourish your body and your view of it.
Next, I want you to see what colours or foods may pop into your head. Recently, I looked down onto my plate and all I had was a plate of roasted veg, all red! Every single piece of veg on my plate was red! Red onion, red bell pepper, red beetroot, red tomatoes. I did think it strange initially and I’m not suggesting at all that you sit with a single-coloured plate of food, as we all know the importance of a balance diet.
However, on this occasion I had been feeling extremely fatigued and it turns out red foods are known to be full of antioxidants and improving energy levels! So, I thanked my inner guidance and left it as that!
Now this can be anything!
I find that as soon as I agree to do something for me, this in itself is a loving act. So have a think about what makes you feel loved. What does it feel like? Taste like? Smell like? Look like?
Put it into your diary, schedule it. Go on, now, right now!
If you’re unsure, what was the first thing that came to your mind as soon as I asked you the question “what makes you feel loved?” . . . that’s the thing. Do that!
I’m learning a lot of new things at the moment and recently, I started painting by numbers! Ha! Yes, this may seem a little childlike, but this is exactly what it was. I felt like I was loving my younger self and giving her back a little time that I deeply felt she needed. It was calm, quiet, therapeutic.
It’s your thing, It’s all about You! Whatever you need, you choose.
Finally, I want to touch on the importance of making time for all of the above.
When you say you don’t have the time, due to work, family, clinic appointments, shopping etc etc, I would like to gently suggest that this sounds like you are not prioritising yourself. Would this be a fair assumption?
I mean, if your best friend called with an emergency, I’m guessing you would drop everything and go running right?
Hmmmm, now listen to me – there is an emergency! You! – you need to run yourself a warm bath, grab a book and a cuppa and ‘voila!’ you have made time for some much needed nurturing.
So, as we close or come to an end here I would lovingly and gently like to remind you that trying any of the above and creating and discovering your own lists can be a fun journey. Connecting back to yourself through breath, respecting and honouring your needs is vital for your own health and well-being.
Know that you are loved unconditionally, and I hope you find a way to Nurture You, Nourish You and Love you, my darling.
You deserve it.
If you would like to get in touch with Sonia, pleased do drop her a line by clicking here
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