IVF Babble

Asking if someone is pregnant can be hurtful, Chrissy Teigen reminds us

Chrissy Teigen has been through a heart-wrenching fertility struggle over the past few years

After losing her pregnancy with son Jack 18 months ago, she has been remarkably candid about her journey. The celebrity chef, influencer, and model revealed that she and husband, John Legend, are again going through IVF.

However, in a recent post she politely reminded her fans and followers that it’s not a good idea to ask anyone if they are pregnant. After all, you never know how much heartbreak this seemingly innocent question can cause.

In her 20 February post, she wrote, “I wanted to let you guys know I’m balls deep in another IVF cycle to save as many eggs as I possibly can and hopefully make some strong, healthy embryos.”

While explaining that the shots don’t bother her too much, she also revealed that the hormones cause her to bloat, which “is a bitch.” The bloating has causes some of her fans to ask if she’s pregnant, which obviously doesn’t sit well with the cookbook author.

“I humbly beg you to stop asking if I’m pregnant. Because while I know it’s said with excited, good intentions, it just kind of sucks to hear because I am the opposite of pregnant!”

She also chided her fans for commenting on anyone’s potential pregnancy

“I said this in the comments and got yelled at because the internet is wild, but I’d rather be the one to tell you and not some poor woman who will look you in the eyes through tears and that’s how you finally learn.”

She and John’s daughter Luna, 5, and son Miles, 3, were conceived with IVF. However, their son Jack, who passed away mid-pregnancy in September, 2020, was conceived naturally. She was very open about her loss, which has made many people dealing with fertility grief feel they can relate to her story.

Soon after the loss, she wrote an essay in Medium

“I feel bad our grief was so public because I made the joy so public. I was excited to share our news with the world. Stories leading up to this had been chronicled for all. It’s hard to look at them now. I was so positive it would be okay. I feel bad that I made you all feel bad. I always will.”

She continued, explaining that her fans and followers, though strangers, have treated her with immeasurable kindness

“But the moments of kindness have been nothing short of beautiful. I went to a store where the checkout lady quietly added flowers to my cart. Sometimes people will approach me with a note. The worst part is knowing there are so many women that won’t get these quiet moments of joy from strangers. I beg you to please share your stories and to please be kind to those pouring their hearts out. Be kind in general, as some won’t pour them out at all.”

This serves as an poignant reminder that we never really know what’s going on in someone’s fertility journey

Prying questions (“when are you two having kids?”) and jokes (“you’re lucky you don’t have to deal with diapers!”) can really hurt someone. In general, it’s better to leave this topic alone unless the other party brings it up first.

What do you think? Has someone brought up pregnancy in a way that hurt your feelings? Share your thoughts below or email us at mystory@ivfbabble.com

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