Last week we shared a story on Instagram about our reader Wendy, who had suffered a miscarriage following a round of IVF. Our reader has asked for us not to share her full name but wanted us to tell her story
She said she wanted to bring light to a topic that just isn’t spoken about. She explained that she hadn’t even thought about the prospect of miscarriage prior to starting IVF, she didn’t understand it, she didn’t want to even let it enter her consciousness for fear that she may jinx things. Wendy and her partner had waited for ages for her treatment to start, due not only to the impact COVID had on clinics, but because it had taken such a long time to save up for treatment.
But they did it- they raised the funds, they eventually got the thumbs up for treatment, they created a precious embryo that they carefully had transferred and then cried with joy as the two magical lines appeared on the pregnancy test. They thought it was the start of a beautiful new chapter, until a week later, Wendy started bleeding heavily. She called her clinic immediately and was told to come in. Her fears were confirmed. She was miscarrying.
Wendy was lost and in desperate need of support, so we turned to our wonderful community to share their stories of miscarriage, so Wendy could see that she isn’t alone. We asked everyone to explain and how they were able to find peace and the strength to move onwards.
Thank you so much to everyone who was so brave to open up. Here are just some of the incredible stories. Please do have a read through of all the stories on our instagram page.
I’ve found it to be quite lonely being a man too with regards IVF and infertility issues.
“We started our first round of IVF in February. We couldn’t quite believe it when the two lines were on the stick after years of trying, it was the most amazing day, and seeing the heartbeat at the 7-week scan was the best day ever. Me and my partner had a miscarriage this April, there was no heartbeat on the 12-week scan. My world felt like it fell apart and really struggled. My partner also had a very traumatic miscarriage and had to go into hospital for a few days. It’s been so tough, but we are much stronger because of it and you have to just look at the positives and keep moving forward and never give up. We are hopefully going again in Autumn. Love to you all on this page. ”
My first MC was after my first round of IVF
“When I got the positive pregnancy test I assumed I had been one of the lucky ones that it worked the first time. Sadly I had a missed miscarriage of twins. I then fell spontaneously pregnant, again I assumed I was one of those lucky ones but again had a missed miscarriage. I was broken after 4 years of trying/ 4 rounds of IVF. I sought specialist pregnancy counselling which helped me tremendously. Going into my final round I was a nervous wreck so decided to take leave from work for a few weeks, have counselling and look after myself. I’m now here with my 4 month old miracle baby boy. Wendy should take care of herself, take time to grieve and look for help. There are loads of us out there but we don’t talk openly about it enough. Don’t give up.”
4th July was the three year anniversary of our miscarriage after our first round of IVF
“At the time, we had been trying unsuccessfully for a baby for 8 years. That was the one and only time we have ever had a positive pregnancy test, but we lost the baby at 6 weeks. It is the most heartbreaking feeling. Nothing takes the pain away, but it does get easier with time (cliche I know). I had counselling, which helped massively. We went on to have another round of IVF, but this was unsuccessful and we made the decision not to try again. Physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, it was all too much. I found that it’s important to focus on all the good things in my life, the things I have been blessed with and am so thankful for. Not being a Mum still breaks my heart, maybe it will happen one day, who knows? But I think I have made peace with it now. Sending so much love to anyone in the same situation.”
At 9 weeks 3 days, I was told there wasn’t a heartbeat.
“I then had to wait four days, continuing PIO shots, for my D&C. It was the worst four days of my life. What made it worse was that I was pregnant with two of my best friends. With one of them, our due dates were only 6 days apart. I leaned heavily on my husband and I stayed in a dark place for a while. I let myself feel all of the emotions instead of trying to stay busy and cover it up. It helped, but it took so much longer to get through it. I wasn’t “okay” until the due date came and went. I’m here for anyone.”
I’ve had 4 early miscarriages in the past year after 2 ivf and 2 frozen embryo transfers
“The grief is very real. The mountain ivf’ers have to climb to get those 2 lines or sometimes not at all makes that fall when it all goes wrong so much more painful. Sending love to her and anyone else going through it.”
If you have suffered the tragedy of a miscarriage and you are finding it difficult to cope, please do watch the webinar that we recorded with our incredible panel of experts. They offer some wonderful techniques to help you manage the grief and loss.
Please do lean on each other too. Strength in numbers is overwhelmingly powerful.