My questions to a sperm donor by Jason

Last week, we heard from Jason who was struggling to come to terms with the fact that he will have to use a sperm donor to become a father. Here, he talks to Kelly Clifford, a sperm donor who has helped three families by donating his sperm. Kelly has also written a book, entitled Legacy, about his reasons behind wanting to become a sperm donor
Dear Kelly
As you may have seen in my article, I am not doing so well. I am really trying to come to terms with the fact that sperm donation is the only route for me if I want to become a father. I have had some great advice and counselling from Sandra Hewitt but I would just like to ask you some questions. I need to understand why a sperm donor would want to donate their sperm and not want to have any part in the child’s life?! It is such an alien concept to me.
If you could answer my questions, I would be most grateful.
Thank you
Jason
Hi Jason

Thanks for your questions. I would be happy to answer in the hope that it helps you in some way.
Best wishes
Kelly

Why did you decide to become a sperm donor`?

Having decided that I didn’t want to raise children for various reasons, which I share in more depth in my book Legacy: The NOW not anonymous diary of a sperm donor, the main reason was that I viewed it as a way of helping others to achieve their ambition of having a family that they otherwise wouldn’t be able to have without my help.  I saw this as my way of giving back something very special and leaving the ultimate legacy.

How old were you when you donated?

I was 35.

How many children have you helped to conceive?

Currently, I have helped conceive three children for three different families (one for each family). I have permitted for three families to be created but have placed no restrictions on the number of siblings within each family which for me is important to not restrict.

Do you want your own children?
No, I have made a life choice to not raise any children of my own.

Would you see my children, (conceived with your sperm lets say for argument’s sake) as your own?
I view these children as individuals I ‘share biology with’, not as ‘my’ biological children. There is a subtle but important difference in viewing it this way. I could never be their ‘Dad’ as that comes from nurture, shared memories, and experiences nor would I ever want to attempt to play that role. 

What would you say to my children if they wanted to find you when they are 18? Would you accept them into your life even if I felt concerned and upset about this?
I would welcome them with open arms. I fundamentally believe that the children have the right to understand their biological heritage and it should ultimately be their decision. I said this as much in a letter that went alongside my donor profile for potential recipients. I urged in that letter that if they didn’t share this philosophy then they shouldn’t use my sperm.

I do hope one day to meet the children I have played a role in bringing into this world. As I mentioned, I would never seek or even want to displace ‘you’ as their Dad. That wouldn’t even be possible to do in my view. I would only hope to get to know them and forge whatever relationship develops over time naturally.

I would also hope that it wouldn’t be adversarial/defensive between their parents and me, as it really doesn’t have to be. Ultimately we are celebrating and cherishing the existence of the same thing.  It is for that reason that I equally look forward to hopefully getting to know their parents over time too and possibly even ultimately becoming friends because of our shared bond.

Are you now a father having used donor sperm? We would love to hear from you. Please do drop us a line at info@ivfbabble.com. It would be amazing to help support Jason, and others who are struggling.

 

 

No Comments Yet

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Translate »