My thoughts on a possible divorce rate boom, by Mrs P

Oh you have got to be kidding. A divorce rate boom? No. This has kind of news has to stop. First my ivf cycle tragically gets paused indefinitely and now there is a chance I might end up becoming so infuriated with my husband during our self isolation, that I will want to end up divorcing him when I am finally ‘free’?

Where will that leave me? No, this is one news story I don’t want to believe. I have to do something to make sure my plans to become a mother, stay on some sort of track, which means keeping the father of my future baby very much married to me.

So let’s start by looking at some of the things the experts are saying regarding the divorce rates. 

Top celeb divorce lawyer Baroness Shackleton, who famously represented Sir Paul McCartney in his divorce to Heather Mills said this: 

“The prediction amongst divorce lawyers is that following self-imposed confinement it is very likely that the divorce rate will rise”.

Oh dear…. 

According to the Global Times in China, divorce rates spiked when couples were finally free, after lockdown restrictions were eased earlier this month in In Xi’an, a province in China. One official blamed it on the quarantine “Many couples have been bound with each other at home for over a month, which evoked the underlying conflicts”. 

Oh dear….

Aidan Jones, chief executive at relationship charity, Relate, also agrees that self isolation might cause concerns for married couples: “Our relationships will be hugely important for getting us through this unprecedented time but self-isolation, social distancing and concerns about issues like finances may also place them under added pressure”.

Oh dear…. 

I suppose it makes sense. 

So what do I do to make sure a transition to marriage breakdown doesnt happen over the next 6 months?

How do I not let the habits that I hadn’t previously recognised due to the physical distance we once had, not get to me? Being with Mr P 24/7 means this:

  • He leaves the bathroom door open when he has a wee. 
  • He has a really cringey work voice when he’s on a call to his colleagues. 
  • He snacks way too often throughout the day.
  • He naps in the afternoon and snores heavily (as though it were 3am) 
  • He watches closely and times how long I wash my hands for to make sure I am being thorough.
  • He is monitoring my alcohol intake.

This is our life indefinatley and so I need to do something fast. 

A study  by the University of Exeter, that Baroness Shackleton is backing, has come up with 10 key questions to identify whether or not your relationship will stand the test of time.

Apparently, according to Baroness Shackleton, continuing to ask these questions will help build the relationship: 

Are my partner and I a ‘good fit’?

Do we want the same things in our relationship and out of life?

Are our expectations realistic?

Do we generally see the best in each other?

Do we have a strong basis of friendship?

Are we both committed to working through hard times?

Do we both work at keeping our relationship vibrant?

Do we both feel we can discuss things freely and raise issues with each other?

Do we each have supportive others around us?

When we face stressful circumstances would we pull together to get through it?

I also read a quote from Relationship psychotherapist Kate Moyle recently in The Independent.

“Communication is key. Try and be as clear as possible with each other. If you are frustrated or stressed then try to use ‘I’ statements to communicate how you are feeling. ‘I feel’ is very different to ‘When you x, I x’ or ‘You make me feel’, it’s very easy to slip into the blame game when we are stressed and it doesn’t help anyone.”

I will try these marriage survival techniques for sure. I truly love my husband and we are both devestated by not only the state of the world, but the uncertaintly of our future as parents, so we need each other.  I am determined not be one of the divorce boom statistics.

We will stick together and be ready to resume our fertility treatment, hand in hand as soon as we get the thumbs up from our clinic. 

I will take the advice and guidance of the experts – I will communicate, and I will ask myself the 10 key questions to keep a check on things. I will remind myself what a great man I have despite his annoying habits. I might even try my method too, of just giving myself some space by going into another room and closing the door!

If you are really struggling though, take a look at relate. They really do have some great advice that you might find uselful. In the meantime, use the TTC community as your back up. I have made some great friends on instagram who are all in the same boat as us. Sending you all so much love.

Mrs P

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