The world is unrecognisable in its current state right now – I mean, who would have thought that we would be scrambling over the last chicken on the shelf in the supermarket, or driving round looking for random shops who might have one last packet of paracetomol left. And who would have thought I would finally stop heaving at the expression ‘it’s just not the right time” when speaking to friends about my miscarriage and my desperate need to be a mother
Let me introduce myself. My name is Rebecca and 8 months ago my IVF failed. It tore me apart. I was planning on starting a new round of IVF in a couple of months but have been told that my plans will have to wait. As a 38 year old woman, I don’t like the word ‘wait’. I don’t have time for the word ‘wait’!! I am very aware that time is running out for me to become a mother. However, I cannot let panic set in otherwise I will self combust.
I have done a lot of thinking and crying since being told my treatment has been put on hold due to the coronavirus.
At first I felt like the world was ending and that there was no point in carrying on, but then, and I know this sounds cheesy, whilst wiping away the tears I pulled out a notebook and started to scribble down a vision of my perfect future. Putting the words down on paper actually helped and made me think about things differently. Maybe this is all fate….
My new way of thinking, that I would love to share with you, has really helped me and is allowing me to cope. It may help you too.
Maybe the bigger force, whatever that force may be, is getting the world in to a better place than it was in before the coronavirus, ready for me to be a mum.
It wasn’t meant to be last time. Only now, am I believing this. Yes, its crazy and scary and people are dying right now, but, maybe, just maybe, when we get a grip on the nasty virus, and the world starts spinning again, we will all be better people living in a better world.
There will be a stronger sense of community, love and support. After months of social distancing and isolation, people will embrace one another and be grateful for human contact. They won’t take for granted a smile, a handshake, or a cuddle.
Coffee with friends won’t ever have tasted so good. Browsing through the menu at your favourite restaurant as you sip a beautiful glass of Malbec will seem like the most perfect moment ever.
There will be more of an awareness about the planet. We won’t take so much for granted anymore. People might think twice about travelling on aeroplanes and driving short distances in big 4x4s. Carbon emissions will have lowered and so the air my baby breathes will be cleaner.
And can you image popping to the shop when you run out of loo roll and actually being able to just grab a 4 pack! Who would have thought such simple things could create so much pleasure?
I will eventually become a mother, I know I will
I know it will take time, and hard work, but when when my baby finally arrives, it will be born into a world, with a heightened sense of love, and full of people who are grateful to be alive.
People have always said to me that I will get pregnant when the time is right. It is a phrase that always made me cringe and want to scream at. But do you know what, I think they were right. Had my IVF worked the last time, I would have been 8 months pregnant right now. Obviously, to be pregnant would be the most perfect thing in the world, but, I would be bringing my baby in to a world of chaos. My husband works in television and has just had every single job in his diary cancelled. My parents are old and have been told to self isolate indefinitely and hospitals are struggling under the strain of the ever increasing virus victims.
So, ‘the right timing’, the phrase that used to make me heave, has now become my coping tool
Now is not the ‘right time’ for me to be a mother, but my time is coming, and when it does it will be perfect.
Whilst I wait for the world to grab control, I shall focus on looking after myself as best I can in preparation for the blue skies that are waiting for us. My husband, although concerned about money has managed to freeze our mortgage. Work will eventually pick up, but in the meantime we are taking walks together, planning our meals carefully and eating well. We have actually started having conversations with eachother too – something we didn’t realise we had stopped doing.
The world will be a better place soon. I will be a mother one day, and the timing will be just perfect, as I hope it will be for you.
How are you coping at the moment? We would love to hear from you. Sharing your story offers so much comfort to others. Do drop us a line won’t you at firstname.lastname@example.org.