I don’t want to hear about a baby boom! by Emily

Thank you IVF babble for inviting your readers to publish their thoughts on stories they are reading about in the news. I’m hoping that by thrashing out my anger and frustration in words, on the damn baby boom that is predicted to happen in 9 months, I might feel slightly less wound up!           

Firstly, can I start by saying that I am usually not an angry person, but, like so many of you, I find myself in the most horrible position due to this scary virus. I actually feel like I am living in an utter nightmare. Despite some amazing guidance from your experts and readers, on ways to find a glimmer of positivity amongst the gloom, I still find it hard to smile, because I am scared.

With every day that passes, my window of opportunity to become a mother gets smaller and smaller, which is why I am sick and tired of hearing people talking about a predicted baby boom. 

The reports claim that with couples on lockdown, spending so much time with each other, it is inevitable that there will be more love making, resulting in a surge in pregnancies. Urgh! This makes my stomach churn. I don’t wish any negativity on anyone personally, but all this news does, is highlight what I don’t have and what I won’t have any time soon. The reports make me sad and angry on so many levels.

My future as a mother is up in the air

Pretty much everybody’s lives are on hold at the moment. Most people I know, including myself and my husband, have lost work for the foreseeable future. The difference between us and those lucky enough to have never faced infertility, is that even though their lives are on hold, they can crack on with making babies (for free!), and be ready for delivery when the lockdown is finally over. Me on the other hand – well, my life will still be on pause when the world finally presses play. Our IVF was planned for April. That will obviously now not be happening. We have no idea when we will be given another start date. To add even more pain to the misery, we are having to use the money that we had saved for our IVF, on food, rent and bills. It is going to take us way longer to pick ourselves back up and begin planning for a family again. The uncertainty is killing me. 

I wish I could give my husband that look that leads to mad passionate love making

Ever since we started trying to conceive, love marking has transitioned to ‘attempted baby making’. Believe me, the difference is HUGE. Passion is a word I would not associate with our ‘naked get togethers’. Spontaneity, pleasure and lust  are other words that we have also put to one side during this incredibly long process of TTC. Sex for us is mechanical, and what makes it even worse, is that it’s not working. All it has done is make us not want to actually have it. I am jealous of those lucky couples who still enjoy sex, who still ‘make love’. 

I feel like those that are capable of natural conception have the bodies of Gods and Goddesses and it makes me feel inadequate

When you think about the actual process of conception,you wonder how anyone ever achieves it. The window of that one perfect sperm meeting that one perfect egg, at that one perfect moment, is so small, yet for those lucky couples with perfectly functioning bodies, it can be the moment within their hot and steamy passionate ‘sesh’, that a baby is made. I hope they realise how blessed they are.

I feel jealous

As I said earlier, I don’t mean to be harsh towards those who are able to have children naturally, but I am just so jealous that I am not ‘one of them’. Maybe ’ jealous’ is the wrong word to use, but it describes the way I feel. I am so desperate to become a mother – it is all I have ever wanted to be in my whole life, but I feel like I have been delivered yet another massive blow to my dreams.

I had so much hope before, because I had my IVF start date, but all this talk of a predicted baby boom, at a time when I will be scrambling to raise funds to try and afford a round of IVF, whilst waiting in line to start the long process is just too much.

The only comfort I can take from this, is that when I do eventually have my baby, it won’t have the ugly label ‘coronial baby’!! 

The TTC community is my back bone, so I want to take this opportunity to send everyone all my love and to say thank you for always being there. I hope, if you are feeling the same way as me, you can take some comfort knowing that you aren’t alone.

Huge love

Emily

If you would like to share your thoughts on something you have read in the news, do drop us a line at mystory@ivfbabble.com

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