What I learned on my infertility journey to motherhood

“The grief of infertility is so difficult.”

That is the message from a woman who describes her poignant journey through infertility to motherhood in a video posted by Playfull by Buzzfeed.

Her name is Chrissy Carter and in the five-minute video she describes her journey to motherhood as ‘long and heartbreaking’.

Chrissy did conceive when she began trying for a family with her husband, but miscarried.

It was then that she first felt the pain of infertility.

She said: “That was when the rug was pulled out from beneath me and I was faced with the kind of fear I’d never experienced before – I just expected to get pregnant.”

It took the couple almost five years to get pregnant and along the way they experienced four miscarriages and long periods of infertility in between.

She said: “It was a really long road and that’s a really long time to be carrying the feeling of grief and sadness. It definitely lead me towards depression and anger, and a feeling I couldn’t escape.

“All I ever knew was failure and sadness. You really just begin to feel that it is not going to happen for you.”

She described infertility grief is a nameless and faceless that doesn’t offer any closure

“For me the hardest process was the grief and finding a way to move forward with hope and an open heart,” she says. “It’s the loss of a dream, that you may never get the baby you wanted.

“It’s really challenging in our culture to sit and hold space for someone who is suffering.”

Chrissy said she could write a book on the things that people would say to her that broke her heart.

She said: “There were a lot of comments, things like ‘it’s a natural part of the process’ or ‘when are you going to have a baby?’

“I think there is a lot of work that can be done to become compassionate listeners, without comment or judgement. At the end of the day you can’t fix grief or take away pain.”

As a yoga and meditation teacher, she found she used meditation to give herself permission to not be okay, that it was okay to to struggle and sit with the difficult emotions.

Chrissy said there are a lot of options of medical support that can help you on your fertility journey, and for her that was IVF

She said: “It was a difficult decision for me as it felt like we were setting ourselves up for a fall.

“IVF felt like such an immense mountain. But we were fortunate to have a successful first try. My daughter is going to be a year old which is mindblowing, and I still struggle to talk about it.

“The one thing that helped me when I was going through it was hearing stories from other women.

“In sharing your story you are empowering a lot of people who are struggling.

“I could not be more grateful that she chose me to be her mum and so strangely grateful for this long painful journey because it brought me to her.”

Watch the full video here

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