We often speak about how pouring your thoughts out in written form onto a page can really help release the all consuming fear, anger and desperate hope that swirls around your brain 24/7 when trying to conceive. Whether you keep your thoughts private within a journal, or allow them to be read by others in a blog, do try and offload, it can really help.
This week, we’ve taken a look back at a blog written by Rebecca, an amazing woman who joined us recently at our #TTC donor lunch. Rebecca is a proud mum to her little girl who was conceived using a donor egg. She inspired so many men and women at our lunch when she told us her story. Rebecca has such an incredible inner strength and spoke about how her blog helped her get through her journey.
This is an excerpt from Rebecca’s blog ‘hello Mr Magpie’ in which she finds a renewed inner strength thanks to an incredibly brave drag queen…
March 23rd. Reality Check!! Let me introduce you to the formidable Lady LaRue
Quite a lot has happened in 48 hrs. As you know we tested negative on Saturday morning, what you don’t know is in a cruel twist of fate we then looked again at the three pregnancy tests and two were showing positive… Call them squinters if you will but there they were, in all their glory….. POSITIVE!!! and a renewed glimmer of hope entered our tearful world.
We photographed them and sent them to P in Athens, could she see what we saw? The answer was, yes she could! Remember you can’t get a false positive only a false negative, so we continued the drugs for another day until we could repeat the test Sunday morning.
We kept ourselves busy with mundane chores and even got the courage to go out for dinner Saturday night for a friends birthday, all the while thinking in our own heads that this glimmer of hope was probably futile.
Sunday morning came and so did the negative results, whoooah we plummet yet again into the raw sadness we had already experienced the day before.
I was angry now, if it’s negative then f**king leave it at that! Why, why give us this torment? For f***s sake!!!!!! Enough already!!!! We cocooned ourselves for the rest of the day, I emailed P to let her know the result and so it was that we laughed, hugged, shouted, cried and wallowed in our own self pity for the rest of the day.
Then it happened……. I have a friend, well, he was a friend at drama school and we lost contact for many years then about a year ago I found out he had a battle on his hands, a big battle, he has cancer and it may not be a fight that can be won. However you haven’t met Stephen Bacon and if you did, then you, like me, would believe that he will win this battle. I won’t go into detail about his illness because I won’t do it justice, that is Stephens story to tell and he can do it with so much more aplomb, humour, wit, sarcasm and quite frankly utter, filthy gay banter than I could ever muster, ( I am a convent girl after all).
Stephen is by profession “Lady LaRue” the most beautiful, exquisite drag queen I have ever seen.
Now Lady LaRue may be in semi retirement at the moment but her spirit is formidable and I hope that she is resurrected sometime soon because I want to see this beautiful lady in action.
What, I hear you say is this post all about? It’s about Stephen. It’s about fighting, it’s about living with every inch of your being and for being grateful for what you’ve got and realising that that is a precious thing.
Sunday night he put a new post on Facebook, he had been feeling pretty, bloody sh*tty recently….. More sh*tty than usual, dizziness and balance had started to set in, as had grumpiness. His post was to apologise for being a miserable old git. They had done some more tests at the hospital and on Wednesday when he realised he was unable to stand up, more scans were put into place to reveal a brain full of tumours, one of which was pressing on the cerebrum, which side effect is being a miserable old git. So he felt the need to say sorry for his recent morose behaviour.
Do you see where I am coming from? I don’t need to spell this out. Here is my inspiration and here is why today 48 hours after our bad news we are going straight into another cycle.
Yes, my physical bruises still remain, the mental ones are there too but both of those will disappear in time . It might not work, again! We might not be third time lucky but do you know what, Matt and I are fucking lucky, we have something so many strive for.
We might never have a baby…. Yes, this is a fact but we have so much more and I am so bloody inspired by you Stephen bloody Lady LaRue Bacon that I will go into this next cycle with the same sodding positivity that you give the hundreds of people in your life. My battle is nothing, nothing compared to yours ( I know! It’s not a competition) but I want MY friends to know about YOU and to know what an amazing, hilariously filthy minded, human being you are. Thank you darling, you don’t realise that what you wrote last night, made me sit up so sharply and see just how God Damn lucky I am.
And so with his permission I would like to introduce my friends to Stephen (Lady LaRue) Bacon!!!!
You can follow Rebecca on instagram @missgolightlycandles or catch her blog hellomrmagpie.wordpress.com
We love reading your blogs, so if you want to share yours with us too, do get in touch. firstname.lastname@example.org