I was so moved by this article from Michelle Smith this week on being kind to yourself because it’s something I didn’t realise I needed to practice myself, 7 years after the birth of my IVF twins.
As I closed my lap top I actually found myself crying. It really hit a nerve. I struggled with infertility for 4 years and looking back, I was so harsh on myself. I criticised myself for failing as a woman. I felt inferior, less attractive, less worthy of anything. Because I felt so inadequate, I felt as though I looked inadequate. If only I’d had someone like Michelle to tell me to give myself a boost, to tell me I was doing ok.
Even now, 7 years after the birth of my daughters, I’m still finding things to criticise about myself. But as of this moment, things are going to change!!
Being kind to yourself is something that needs to be practised whatever stage you are at on the road to or through parenthood. Thank you Michelle! Sara x
Gosh we can be so hard on ourselves cant we!? If some one was to write out the things we say to ourselves on paper, we wouldn’t even dare say those things to our best friend! Yet, we say them to ourselves all to often.
I found myself guilty of the same thing recently. I was getting ready to go to a gender reveal / baby shower and at the same time I was thinking, ” I don’t feel like going. Do I really need to go? I mean, its hot outside and its far and I could mail her a gift instead. She wouldn’t even notice I wasn’t there. Besides, its not even her first kid so why is it even important. Michelle! How horrible! How dare you think that. You are an idiot! Shame on you to think things like that. You look horrible in that dress, makes you look fat or worse- it makes you look pregnant and you aren’t! You shouldn’t have eaten those carbs. Your skin is so oily today too and your hair is such a mess. You should take better care of yourself. Your teeth look yellow. I’m embarrassed by your appearance! This is your attempt to look good? You are failing. You should have woken up early so you will have more time, but no you are lazy and now you have to rush!”
Yeah. I said all those things to myself in a matter of minutes. Geez! If someone was to say those things to me I wouldn’t know if I should run away from their negativity fast or run towards them to punch them in the head!
I know, violence isn’t the answer but WOW! I stopped myself right in that moment and walked back over to the mirror and decided to think a new thought…to tell a new story about myself. I began with the top of my head and I complimented myself on all the things I do love about me. “Michelle you have such pretty blonde hair, I love your long eyelashes and high cheek bones. You have such nice lips and your smile makes everyone feel happier…etc”
That felt much better
Then, I went on to the emotions I had previously had. “Michelle I know you have some hesitations about going today, so why don’t you go for a little bit and see how you feel. Listen to your inner self today and be gentle. She is a dear friend, you love her and loves you. She will be so happy you came. This is hard, and infertility isn’t easy. You are doing the best you can.”
Isn’t that lovely to hear and to feel? You are doing the best you can
You are not perfect, nor is the world you live in, but even still you wake up every day and do all that you can to be your best.
Some days we all fall short, and that’s ok! We get another day to start over, to do better, to be better, to enjoy, to learn and to be kind to ourselves. Watch the self talk my friends. This journey to baby is hard but you dont need to be hard on yourself!